‐ Trevor Risk said he had a baby mouse in his hand
to show you, but when you leaned in to look it was
just his dink.
I said, that's the first one eyed mouse I ever saw.
‐ There's scrambled egg sexuals on channel 12 Friday
nights if you're looking for the heebies to the jeebies.
‐ You've caught carp fishes and crayfishes but no
possums, because they'll come out meaner than spit
and go like a hot damn.
‐ You and your friend touched tubes and your dad got real
cross when he found out but he got even more cross when
your mom said he probably did that as a boy too.
‐ Your dad says if you can float, fly it, or fuck it,
rent it.
But you hope row boats don't count,
because boy, you love row boating.
‐ Not to toot your own horn, but you learned to play the
recorder at Camp Kimtale.
♪ [playing recorder] ♪
‐ You were talking about playing four square with
your sister and your mom and dad looked at each other
without saying anything for a real long time when you
said you slammed one in your sister's box.
‐ Your dog got the scoots from you feeding it scallops
under the table and now you're ankle deep
in chili of the sea.
‐ You missed a pop fly playing T‐ball because you got a
popped fly in your pants, for not good reason,
well, so far as you can tell.
‐ Your dad says there's a special place in heaven for
animal lovers, but the same guy said boys can't have
Care Bears.
‐ You got a real bad earache at Storybook Gardens
but didn't complain because Jordan Bearins got his
tongue stung by a bee that flew into his can of Coke.
‐ Your friend Greg Keech got out of class for saying he
had anxiety but he can't even spell that word.
‐ Stewart Skinner said he seen a cat shit kittens
but that's, well that's not how it works, eh?
‐ You got Campiest Camper award at Cub Scouts,
now your dad wants you to play football instead.
‐ You got in big trouble from your mom for saying you like
your aunt's milk jug hugs, but after she left the room
your dad said, well fuckin' A.
♪ [happy music] ♪